Every night, trying to go to bed at a reasonable hour. Due to the many distractions of the world such as YouTube, Facebook, Instagram, dirty laundry, pizza and many more, this rarely happens..
Waking up in the morning to the awful sound of the alarm on my iphone, thinking to myself "great! I am up early, im going to be productive"..... 45 minutes later waking up again because apparently I can't get my shit together just yet..
Continuing with my morning, drinking coffee, eating the same plain breakfast, 2 eggs and a piece of toast and of course checking the same shit on instagram and Facebook.
7:30AM comes around, it's time to go to my part time job. As I am walking to the streetcar stop I have a feeling that everyone in their vehicles are watching me. Thinking to myself "maybe my shoes are crazy, do I have bed head, do I just not fit in around here?". Just so you know, my shoes are bright red, maybe not so bright anymore due to the shitty weather and less caring for them as they are not so new anymore... but anyways!
I see the streetcar slowly pulling up, it is now just a few feet away from me. I then think to myself as I see the people staring out the window of the streetcar "I wonder what they are thinking, are they looking at me, do they hate their lives, they look miserable". Getting onto the streetcar can sometimes be the worst, maybe even harder then the job I am about to go to. Either everyone is "staring" at me like I have a foot coming out of my head or there are no seats. If there is a seat it's the one with some grumpy man or woman's bag on it which you don't dare ask to move because then you both have to talk to strangers and they have to take 2 seconds to move something of there's for you... There are 2 seats for a reason people!
Many hours into the day... Working on my computer, thinking of ways I can help people physically and mentally without actually having to talk with to many people face to face. One day I somewhat figured it out! But, I will leave that for another day.
For anyone who feels like everyone is watching you, you're not alone. Something I have slowly and recently started to realize is no one is really "watching" you. People may be staring in your direction or take a glimpse, as well all do, but they aren't thinking the bad things you might think they are.. Some people may judge, but they have their own problems they need to figure out.
The most judgemental person we know is ourself! No one is going to judge you more then you do. Let's try to stop being so hard on ourselves and find a way we can truly love the life we have been given. As damn cheesy and corny as that may sound, it's worth a shot! We are only around for so long.